Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
