So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
home. puking in laundry basket.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
