i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
