Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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