That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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