when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
