U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
