Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
