Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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