That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
