I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
