Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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