I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
