I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Swine flu. Run for my life!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
