office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
