What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
