Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
