we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
