Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
