allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
