the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
