Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
