season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
