living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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