Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
