the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We're too hungover to prance.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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