I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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