oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
