$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
