Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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