She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
