So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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