No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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