those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
