It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
