Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nicole vs. Life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
