I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
