My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
