Plan B is the new Plan A
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
