he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
