yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
