Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
