Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
