you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
