haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
