I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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