Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
