we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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