You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
