I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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