Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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